I have come to understand that the only thing you can carry with you from this realm of existence to the next is the quality of the relationships you have developed and nurtured in this one. This is the focus of my life and the lens through which I see my world.
I know, I promised to help develop a positive life focus. Well, building loving, supportive relationships is a very positive thing in my book; keeping this in mind at all times will help you stay focused. The purpose here is to build that new and beautiful life we all want; this is one of the ways we go about it.
We all want to feel good; that is our prime motivation. Just as all things are made of a single substance (energy), all actions are motivated by a single desire, (the desire to feel good). Sorry folks, but if you look deep enough inside, and be honest with yourself, you will find that it is true. It is not a bad thing; it just is what it is. Knowing this, is the key to building those loving, supportive relationships. It is also the key to having a lot fewer bad days yourself.
Realizing what truly motivates folks, you can short circuit your own emotional responses to many situations. For example, an angry person who is shouting at you in traffic is not feeling good, and their anger is merely their way of trying to change that. If you become defensive and meet angry energy with angry energy, you both end up feeling bad. A better response would be to smile and say, “Gee, that poor soul is having a really bad day. I am so very lucky he didn’t actually smack into me.” Now you have used language and understanding powerfully to preserve your good feelings. That angry energy has failed to ruin your day.
Now, let’s take that to a face to face. An angry person is offended by something you have said, or was reported to have said. Returning anger for anger is a negative response; we want a positive response that leaves us feeling good. Better still we want a response that will make our angry friend feel good as well. Instead of, “Back off Jack, get out of my face!” you might try, “Obviously I chose my words poorly and offended you; I apologize; hurting you was not my intention.” Now the situation is diffused and you have a point from which you can build a better relationship with this person.
Also, the subconscious mind rarely actually hears the first word or two of a sentence. Eg. “Don’t forget to take out the garbage.” becomes “Forget to take out the garbage.” With a quick switch to positive use of language we get, “Remember to take out the garbage.” which becomes, “Take out the garbage.” See? It’s still the same message.
I hope that these examples will demonstrate how positive use of language can improve your own sense of well-being, and also help you build stronger, more loving, and supportive relationships, as well as help you have your needs met more fully.
It has been said that an evil thought first becomes an evil intent, then an evil word, and then an evil action. The other side of the coin is also true. A loving thought becomes a loving intent, then a loving word, and then a loving action. We think in language. By changing the way we use language we change our very thought processes, our habitual speech patterns, and the way we actually live and experience life.
Ok, it is time to have some fun here. Get a small notebook and keep it with you; you’re going to be keeping score. The object of the game is to make as many people smile as you can each and every day. They are worth five points each. After you reach five hundred points you can dispense with the notebook.
Some hints: Don’t just drop a tip on the table and run out of the restaurant, stop the waiter and thank him for the stellar service. If you like the sweater a woman is wearing, tell her so. Make brief eye contact with others as you pass on the street and smile; chances are they will smile in return. Instead of complaining of bad service, try complimenting folks when they give you good service. All this will make you feel better too, as well as help you build stronger relationships.
Remember, what we are doing here is using powerful language powerfully. Now go forth and make a new and brighter life for yourself and others.
So, what do you think? Do you agree with what I have said? Disagree? Is there another subject you’d like to discuss? Drop me a line and let me know. Remember, I’m old and have a wealth of advice I’m all too willing to share. J