Please understand, this is not a ploy for sympathy, nor is it me making excuses. I’m just trying to express where I’ve been the past couple of weeks. One of our beloved dogs died in our arms of a heart attack, and I’ve been lost in a fog ever since.
Yes, a fog, a fog of grief. A big piece of my daily life is missing. I often find myself just gazing mindlessly into space, unable to focus, to hold a single thought before it evaporates into oblivion. I see him from the corner of my eye, or will suddenly realize that sound isn’t him breathing beside my chair.
We had a snowfall and yesterday was the first time in twelve years we’ve gone for a walk in the snow without him. It was different. The others dogs snuffled about, enjoying the day, and I confess I did too, but as I called them in, I almost called his name and yes, I did look for one more.
I have three more dogs, all old, and I am well aware that this will happen again all too soon. However, this is a pack of rescues, I knew this day would come, and will come again all too soon. I knew this when we rescued them, and I know we will do it again.
I also know I have to pull myself out of this and get back to work. I am trying.